Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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