hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
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