So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
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Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
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