Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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