she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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