i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
