Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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