I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
