I think I died a long time ago.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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