I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
