a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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