I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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