I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
