i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
She told me I should be a condom model.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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