Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Randomize
