i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
