Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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