i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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