evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
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She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
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I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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