I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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