THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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