1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
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