I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Randomize
