um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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