Ambien. No doubt about it.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
