You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
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