If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Randomize
