The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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