Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
