I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
