so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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