We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
