my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
