i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
