in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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