I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
