dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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