Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
