Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Randomize
