Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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