Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
