I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
