OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
