he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
