How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
COCAINE IS GR8
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
