Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
