Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
