we're blogging at a bar
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
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