You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
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