The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
This is classic penis vs brain.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
