Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
