I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
