Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Randomize
