i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
im holly from the hills drunk
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
