They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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