I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
You dont lie about slip and slides
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
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