my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
