too bad you live with your parents still
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
