so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Randomize
