my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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