the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
