i just wanna soil my oats bro
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
