yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
