Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
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the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
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We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize