Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
