She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Randomize
