I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
you will always have a special place in my vag
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he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
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I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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