I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Randomize
