Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
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